on death

January 07th, 2023

i'm not afraid of death.

or at least, i don't want to be. it's a natural part of existence. we are born. we live. we die.

we humans are terrified of dying alone, unaccomplished, & forgotten about, so we try everything in our power in the short amount of time that we have to ensure that doesn't happen. but i'm just. so. tired.

i'm not suicidal; in fact, the thought of ending my own life makes me shudder. i am grateful for having life, and i don't want to be so petrified by the fear of dying that i forget to experience it. i want to make the most of the time i have while i have it. see sights. meet people. explore. breathe air.

i have a genetic condition which is the source of a lot of pain and discomfort for me and will probably be the cause of my death eventually. i've spent a large part of my life internalizing my own mortality because of it.

i have felt alone, scared, and without aim for so long. i think this last year has brought me a lot of the emotional maturity i needed to process it and i'm ready to take the next steps to heal.

i'm striving for more in 2023. i deserve at least that.


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